Sappy Mother's Day

I've always hated Mother's Day. Well, not always, just since I was seven and my own Mother died. It was probably the most dreaded day of my childhood. I don't know if it's a tradition everywhere, but where I'm from you spend the day at church with a rose pinned on your dress. The lucky girls got red roses, red meant your Mother was alive. I got a white rose, white was the "dead mommy" rose. I hated that damned rose so much. I hated the attention that it brought. I hated the stares and I especially hated the questions, questions I didn't want to answer. I tried to get out of wearing it but my bitch of a stepmother insisted. No matter how hard I tried to pretend I was invisible, all eyes were on me. I ended up being teased by other kids, cornered by nosey adults and running into the house crying after church. I thought when I was an adult I would make things different. I would have my own kids and we would skip church that day, skip the stupid roses and just have fun. But after actually having my own children, I ended up missing my Mom more than ever. We didn't go to church and we didn't wear roses but I still spent the day feeling sad. I felt sad for my kids not having a Grandma, I felt sad for my Mom never being able to meet my sweet kids and I felt sad for not having her to go to with my own questions. I wanted so badly to be happy, but I had so many painful memories tied to this day. I also felt guilty for even trying to be happy on a day honoring mothers when mine was dead. But this year something changed, I changed. I decided the day would not be sad. I would not be sad. I would find a different way to honor my Mom's memory and I would make this day about myself and my family. I promised only to focus on the good things we had, with no thoughts of what was missing. I wouldn't allow a single negative thought on this day.

My husband got up early with the kids and let me sleep in. I woke up thankful for a rare rested feeling. I was immediately showered with hugs, kisses and told how much they "missed" me while I was sleeping. I asked my husband in advance not to spend any money, but they still managed to fill my arms with gifts. I took time to really enjoy and appreciate each one of them. There were beautiful homemade cards and presents, my favorite flowers and a very thoughtful automatic can opener. (That probably sounds funny to most people, but I have arthritis in my thumb and forefinger and I was too forgetful or maybe too cheap to ever buy one for myself, so it was a very welcomed gift.) I just kept focusing on how sweet and thoughtful my family was and how they made me feel so special. I thought about how much I loved each one of them and how lucky I was to have them. I felt so thankful for my wonderful husband, so grateful to have healthy and happy children. I finally let go of the past and allowed myself to feel all of the joy and love in the present. Everyone kept asking what I wanted to do. They said it was my day and we could do anything, but I knew it didn't matter where we went or what we did because I already had everything I needed. For the first time I can ever remember, I felt at peace on Mother's Day.

We finally decided to go for a drive on this perfect Spring day. We had a picnic with food from my favorite drive in. We ended up back home soaking up the sun on our deck and watching our beautiful children play on the most beautiful day I can ever remember.